Things You Wouldn’t Know If I Didn’t Tell You.
Do you understand the spirit realm? Nobody ever explained to me what the spirit realm was. My parents never talked about God. I didn’t have any guidance when it came to having a relationship with our Creator or spiritual protection or any of that. I’m not upset about it anymore because it helped me to understand forgiveness better. I feel like if my parents would have understood the gospel, maybe they would have done things differently but as far as I know, when I was growing up neither of them did. If Jesus can forgive those cheering as he was being killed, I can surely forgive my parents for not seeing in me what God made in me. They didn’t know. They didn’t see my purpose until I started living in it just like those people didn’t see Jesus' purpose until it came to pass. That’s the spirit. It doesn’t really matter who sees the purpose and who does not, at the end of the day God will reveal it when the time is right.
I went to 14 different schools and lived in over 40 different houses– constantly moving, no stability, detached from everything and everyone since I was a kid. Nothing is forever. I learned that early. I used to be so angry at my parents for moving me around and not allowing me to plant any roots or make any long term friends. I felt like neither of them wanted me since I had no connection with them. I never had a conversation about anything important with either of them. Nobody helped me through my heartbreaks. No one asked me what I wanted to be. If anything I was pushed away, discouraged for all of my interests and if I wanted to be a part of anything special I had to find a way to do it on my own because both of them were so career centered that they didn't have time to pour in to me. I went through a lot of my life feeling extremely alone and forgotten even when there were people around. I carried a lot of hurt and resentment until recently when God revealed to me the purpose for it. One of the hardest things people struggle with is detachment. I see so many people with big dreams wanting to go for this vision they have but they have the voices of their parents and childhood friends in their ears telling them they can’t or shouldn’t. For me, I never had to fight off human voices, because humans never cared much for me anyhow. I followed and will follow every creative dream. I will take every risk and do everything I desire because I never had to ask anyone, no human was listening. God always was. My purpose required me to hear His voice above everyone else because what I was called to do would be doubted by the average human mind.
I was forced on my own on my eighteenth birthday and had no stable guidance. By age 19 I had lived with at least four of my friends' families and had maybe five or six short term boyfriends that I clung to just to get off the streets for a little. Bouncing off of couches was my thing. It’s weird because I look back and I don’t remember anyone really ever looking for me. At one point I lived in a shed with a concrete floor behind a friend's house because there was no room in the front house, they didn’t want the couch ruined and it was better than any other option I had. I never felt like I was living a less fortunate life. I had a trash bag filled with clothes and that's really it but I was grateful. I didn't even have a car, or a license.. I didn’t have a phone either. I think my home life had to be so miserable that I wouldn’t miss it. God needed me to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I look at it like He let me go through all of that so I could learn how to trust the process and be grateful for the little things. One of the most important parts of unlocking my spiritual gifts was truly letting go of the resentment I felt for the early struggles in my life. I had to shift my thoughts from all of that happening to me, to a true understanding that it happened for me. I had to forgive everyone involved and realize that had I not been there, I would never be here. It’s called shadow work. Walking back through the pain of your past and changing the narrative. It happened for you, not to you.
The craziest thing is how that part of me feels like a completely different lifetime. Sometimes I find myself thinking that it was. Like when I was still just a soul, before I entered into this vessel, I talked to God about my purpose and we made a deal, signed a contract. It’s like He said to me, “Ariel, I am going to place you here and you are going to go through all of these things but I will always be there. I will carry you through and then I will send my Son to reveal to you your purpose and when I do, it will all make sense.” I didn’t hear God say that but I can feel it. I just know. He knew the whole time and before the world made its impression on me, I knew it too. He had told me in my dreams when I was a little girl. That’s a story for another day. If you resonate with this energy, write down your dreams. They might not make sense now, but they will. Our Creator was raising you for your purpose in Christ.
Isaiah 1:2-3 Listen, O heavens! Pay attention, earth! This is what the Lord says: “The children I have raised and cared for have rebelled against me. Even an ox knows its owner, and a donkey knows its master's care– but Israel doesn’t know its master. My people don’t recognize my care for them.”
From one child of God to another.
Xoxo, Ari
